


Rain Keeps Falling, Tears Keep Falling

by lukeyandlou



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hopeful Ending, IT 2019, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Reddie, im not good with tags, kind of sad, this is just me coping with eddies death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 12:43:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20657453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukeyandlou/pseuds/lukeyandlou
Summary: Two times that Richie cries over Eddie and one time that he doesn't.





	Rain Keeps Falling, Tears Keep Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first time writing for this fandom and first time writing fanfiction in a long time so it may not be my best, but I hope you enjoy! All the love x

_ Rain keeps falling, tears keep falling.  _

Richie slammed the door behind him, hoping that the exaggerated bang of the door crashing in was a signal to his parents that he wouldn’t come back for a while. This was the third time this week that he had been kicked out without words, for the venomous expression on their faces were enough.

It was a rain storm in the first week of August, an unlikely gift, the humidity stinging his cheeks. The rain fogged his glasses, but he didn’t seem to mind. The chill of the drops soothed his rage, and so, he decided he was going to walk. He didn’t know where. 

Usually, he would be on his way to the clubhouse, for there he found comfort in his real family. But as of late, that family had fallen apart, starting when Bill’s fist had caught his cheek. He couldn’t go there, he decided. Two broken homes were just too much. 

He kept his glance locked on his feet, his sneakers turning brown from the puddles he stepped in, his hair dripping against his face. He didn’t want to look up, couldn’t. Then he might see a world that didn’t want him. 

“Hey, asshole, aren’t you gonna say hi?”

He stopped in his tracks, startled, and allowed his glance to raise. There stood Eddie, who was obviously not dressed for the rain. He was shivering a bit. His eyes widened. 

“Wh-What are you doing here?” he got out. He hadn’t seen this boy in weeks. Although his heartbeat was accelerating, he couldn’t help but calm. 

“Can’t a guy take a walk like everyone else?” he quirked his head a bit. 

“It’s raining, dipshit,” Richie said, “Get back inside before you get your cast messed up.” 

“Mom’s being crazy again. I’d take getting sick over that shit, and that’s saying something,” Eddie replied. 

Richie sighed, aggressively taking off his jacket and reaching it out to him. “Here. I don’t want your cast to get all fucked up and shit.” 

“I’m touched,” Eddie teased, and Richie didn’t understand why he felt butterflies in his stomach. 

“You can keep it,” Richie said, and turned his head back down to his sneakers, quickly pacing forward. 

“Hey, hey,” Eddie caught up, grabbing his friend by the arm. “What’s wrong, dude?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Richie stated, “I just need to get home.” 

“Rich, I’m not that fucking stupid. I know your mom doesn’t give a shit when you get home. You don’t have to lie to me,” Eddie told him, making sure that he look him straight in the eye. 

“Aren’t you mad at me or something? I mean, at all of us. You almost got killed back there,” Richie said. 

“I couldn’t be mad at you, Rich,” Eddie looked away, “Now, what’s going on with you?”

They continued to walk. 

“Just my parents again. They always get pissed at one thing or another. They call me a disappointment again, and then they look at me. They look at me with so much fucking hate, Eddie. I just had to get out is all,” Richie sighed. 

“Well, fuck them,” Eddie said. “You’re amazing, Richie. Don’t ever forget that. They don’t deserve you.” 

“What’s with getting all sappy on me?” Richie teased, and for the first time today, he smiled. 

“Shut up, asshole. I just thought you should know,” Eddie playfully punched him on the shoulder, and they walked a few more moments in silence. Being beside each other was enough. 

“Hey, you wanna sit down here?” Eddie offered, stopping at the bridge. The kissing bridge. 

“Yeah, sure,” Richie replied, and they sank to the floor, resting against the wood. 

“You know, you shouldn’t keep shit all bottled up to yourself all the time.”

Eddie scooted over closer to Richie, resting his head on his shoulder in comfort. He could never forget the smell of his shirt, as they were cuddled so close together. 

“Eds?” Richie turned to him, and he started to shake, and whether it was from the cold or the way Eddie looked at him, he didn’t know. 

“Yeah?” Eddie responded. Richie took a second to answer. 

“Do you...do you ever feel like you don’t belong  _ anywhere _ ?” 

“I mean...yeah. I don’t think any of us really belong anywhere.” 

“But the thing is,” Richie continued, “You  _ do _ . You’re smart as fuck and you’re kind, and all the others? They really got shit going on for them too. But me? I ain’t shit, Eddie. I’m not good at anything. I’m an asshole. My parents hate me, Bill hates me, hell, even you probably hate me. It’s like there’s no point, you know?” 

Eddie sat up, concern in his eyes. “What are you saying?”

“I don’t mean I wanna off myself or anything. I just...wanna disappear sometimes, to be real with you. I don’t think I belong anywhere.” 

“Richie, look at me.” 

Eddie put both hands on Richie’s cheeks, pulling his face close to him and staring him dead in the eye. Richie’s heartbeat increased, and despite the cold, he felt drops of sweat come down his forehead. 

“I could never  _ ever  _ hate you, you hear me? And you know what? You’re the best person I’ve ever fucking known. Never ever say you don’t belong anywhere, because you belong with us, even if we’re fighting right now. You belong with  _ me _ .” 

“Would you still say that if…” 

“Still say that if what?” 

Richie put his hands on top of Eddie’s and pulled him in, giving him a quick peck on the lips. 

They both pulled away from each other,  _ certainly  _ not out of disgust, but of shock. Eddie stared at Richie, his fingers on his lip, a curious gaze in his eyes. 

Richie felt paralyzed.

His lip hung slightly open to speak, but no words came out. His hands were shaking, and his mind was starting to explode. 

_ Fuck, fuck, fuck fuck! _ _   
_ _ His secret was out. The secret he tried so desperately to hide. Eddie would hate him now.  _

_ He was disgusting. _

“Richie, I-” 

“Get out of here, Eddie.” 

“No, no, it’s okay-”

“Please, just get out!” his voice cracked, his eyes watering. “Please.” 

Eddie reluctantly stood up, still recovering from his shock. “Okay, I guess.”

Richie turned away, waiting until he heard Eddie’s footsteps. 

“And for the record,” Eddie said, “I still don’t hate you.” 

He heard him walk away. 

Richie’s face began to feel heavy, his whole body trembling. This summer, he had been so  _ fucking  _ angry. At his parents, at that clown, at Bill, at  _ himself. _ But now? The only thing he could feel was sad. 

He had told Eddie to go away. He had hid from him again. He had ruined everything. 

For hours it seemed, Richie rested against the kissing bridge, sobbing into his chest and tucking his face into his knees, getting soaked from the rain. That was the first time he had cried over Eddie Kaspbrak. 

It wouldn’t be the last. 

-

Now, it had been 27 years. The clown had been defeated. He was sitting in the inn, all by himself, the way he was when he started his walk that rainy August day when he was thirteen. 

The only difference was that now, Eddie wasn’t going to come and join him. 

He turned his body, cuddling into the blanket of his bed, trying to find any source of warmth. Under the blanket, he was holding onto Eddie’s shirt. He couldn’t help but take it from his suitcase when they had gotten back after the quarry. No one said a thing when he did. 

Now, he was holding it close to his face, letting its collar get slightly damp from his silent tears. It smelled  _ just  _ like him. It smelled the way Eddie did when he was resting on his shoulder all those years ago, trying to give him the love he didn’t know he could receive. Yet, all he did was push him away. 

“I’m sorry, Eddie,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry!” 

He tries to focus on the things that give him comfort. Eddie’s head resting on his shoulder, the short second their lips touched, his brown eyes looking into his with all of the warmth and love in the world. But all he could think about was him telling him to go away, yelling at him. Closing himself up to the person he trusted most in the world. 

The last thing he smelled of Eddie was the smell of his blood.

Then, there’s a knock on the door. 

Richie pauses, hiding the shirt under the blanket. He rapidly wipes away his tears. “Yeah?” 

The door slowly opens, and he groans in dread. It’s Beverley. 

“Richie, can I come in?” 

“No offense Bev, but I kind of want to be alone right now.”

“I know you, Richie,” she said, closing the door behind her, “And I know that’s not true.” 

He surrendered, sitting up and pushing his glasses up against his face. “Beverley, I can promise you, I’m doing okay. I’m fine. You don’t have to worry.” 

She sat herself on the foot of the bed, slightly turning so that she could face him. “Richie, I know how much you loved him.”

“We all loved him,” Richie defended. 

“But not in the way you did,” she said. 

He looked up at stared at her, starting to feel that fear again, his face falling. 

“You don’t have to bottle everything up, Richie. It’s okay, you’re safe here. You can let yourself feel.”

With her words, a flashback of Eddie in the summer of 1989 came back into his head. 

_ “You know, you shouldn’t keep shit all bottled up to yourself all the time.” _

He started to cry, again. Bev immediately grabbed him and snuggled him into her chest, and he melted at the comfort of his friend. 

“I loved him, Bev, I loved him, I fucking loved him,” he cried, “And he never knew. He’s dead, and he’ll never know.” 

“He knew, honey,” she told him, “Trust me. He knew.” 

-

He was on the way home from Derry now. He had said his goodbyes to his best friends, but they weren’t goodbyes forever. Only for now. He knew he would see them again. 

He had visited the kissing bridge. It was the only way; the only way that he could say goodbye. 

Richie had cried over Eddie. He cried when he learned he loved him when he was only thirteen, when he thought he had lost him. He cried when he remembered he loved him when he was forty, when he actually lost him. But now? He knew that he hadn’t lost him completely. He knew that that boy would always be with him, the boy who put his head on his shoulder to cuddle him in the pouring rain.The boy who had been so proud to have saved him from the dead lights. The boy who he knew loved him back. 

He cried, before, because he never got to tell Eddie how much he loved him. But the thing is? He didn’t have to. Eddie knew Richie was in love with him, and Richie felt it too. It was beyond words, what they had. He had just left Derry, but he would never leave Eddie. 

Richie smiled. 


End file.
